Hope Wanted: Now Hiring

“You’re young, you got plenty of time.”

I had a job interview with the city of San Bernardino to become a substitute teacher. Success! I got the job but one thing I love doing is interviewing. Yes, interviewing. If I could get paid to go on interviews all day, I’d probably do it as a side hustle. What’s so interesting about it? You get to talk to people! And its funny because some automatically have a filter: who you are, what you are going to do or say, etc.

As for the interview, my strategy is simple: go in there and connect. The guy who was seeing me probably had enough people who came in to his office trying to put on a front and say what they think he wanted to her, not have a real conversation with him. But of course, in the real world that does not mean saying everything that comes to your mind. #wisdom You better get this job.
During the interview he asked me about my goals. What do I have planned for my future? And I told him, “I want to teach. Eventually, I’ll get my master’s and follow my passion for music…” and I further continued explaining how I even came to music. I did Communications for my undergrad; I only took Music Appreciation as an elective. Yet, I fell in love and learned to play without a teacher physically present.

Then, the statement that opened the can of worms. “At first I wanted a Master’s in English, but now I want to do music.” Being “undecided” happens, but I was graced to have only one major in college. To my options, the interviewer replied with the famous line “You’re young. you have plenty of time.” I thought about it and I realized that i did not want to be one who wasted time in life bouncing around from major to major. I wanted to have a goal. Badly. For too long, I’ve been waking up without a vision, without a goal, going nowhere in life. This book I’m reading, Chazown, by Craig Groeschel, is amazing in helping you to discern what’s in you, where your life is going, where you were destined to go and what you were made to do (which, by the way, brings fulfillment). In it, he said “people just stumble halfheartedly through life hoping tomorrow will be better than today. No plan. No dream. Mostly just existing,” (pg. 5). He reiterated the truth in Proverbs 29:18 by stating “Where there is no Chazown—no dream, no revelation, no vision, no sense of our created purpose—we perish,” (pg. 9).

Rather than bounce around in indecision, quick fixes and temporary pleasures, make a decision to live.

Go somewhere. Do something, but have a plan. Have a goal. Have a direction. I know what it’s like not to and it does happen to the best of us. Stop comparing yourself to others. You have a plan and a vision for your life too, and no matter what you think of yourself, the most important opinion, God Himself, the Creator & Judge, says it’s great. You have a destiny that is necessary for this Earth and I wake you up everyday for you to realize it, figure it out, and live it. There is joy in being who you are, in what I’ve created you to be.”

Lastly, I strongly encourage you: if you wake up without a plan or a goal, make it your goal to seek God. Pray, read your bible, start being confident, but whatever you do, don’t believe the lie that the day will lead to nothing. Why?

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'” – Jeremiah 29:11

Deceit’s Receipt: Redeemed

For the past year I’ve been walking around hurting. Not physically, not no broken bones either. I’ve just been hurting. Gravity seemed to push down on my life twice as hard as the rest of the world, and my head hung low as a result. From what? Did anyone know? Sure. Did anyone connect? They tried. Some got through, some just fell through the cracks. But I was still bleeding from a broken heart.

What happened?

Deception. I was tricked into believing the worst of myself because of my status in life. I kept making mistakes, moving from job to job, destroying relationships and not living up to what I thought I should be. I was just sitting here, my life not seeming to go anywhere. Worst of all, I was ruled by emotions. One day I was up, the next day was miserable. I didn’t know how to fight. Depression came in the form of self-abasement and I thought the worst of myself. It hurt especially being around people who knew their worth, value, had some kind of plan for their life and walked with grace. I tried to find something for myself. I was scrambling, not to keep up, but to stand up.

You’ve heard this before: “I’m trying.” That was me. I didn’t know what to look for but what I was presented with looked good: depression (self-abasement) worthlessness, imperfection, pride, jealousy, unforgiveness, a lack of identity, and fear. Thinking it was right, I identified with these things, because “I’ve messed up so this is what I DESERVE.” I didn’t know who I was or where I was going and when I looked to God, I could not let go of the worry. I just had to have some control, get some answer, so when He would speak and literally give me the answer, it wasn’t what I wanted or expected to hear, and so I sank deeper with the problems He was trying to bury.

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The pain was all I could identify with. Little did I know, I fell from grace. I was deceived like Eve. So here’s what it looked like.

Fear –  a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined

Pride – pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself

Jealousy – feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages

Depression – severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy; self-abasement

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See the cycle? I finally heard an inspiring message from Jaquet Dumas called “If It Walks Like A Duck.” Two quotes that spoke so powerfully to me. The first, by her, said “”Well if we can’t change the things we’ve been through we certainly can change the way we deal with them.” The second was by a Holocaust survivor that said “forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and realizing the prisoner was you.” Wow. Not done. She further explained about no one has to pay for the wrong things I’ve done. I realized that God truly forgave me. He doesn’t hate me and I don’t have hate myself.

Then, this Wednesday, a breath of fresh air. My eyes were opened to see the the self-hate and the condemnation I placed on myself. It came when I tried to forgive someone else and realized, I didn’t forgive myself. Jaquet said “I have a new context.” My relationship with Christ reminded me of my failures and that I am forgiven of them all. It taught me how to forgive others and forgive myself. I just had to believe. And now I do. So I don’t hate myself anymore. I believe, hope and trust in God in a whole new way and see light in my future. I’m sure He has a plan that I’ll love.

So I set this in order, you will not be deceived by your circumstances or failures. You will move forward. You can forgive yourself and others, because you were forgiven. Don’t be scared of being condemned or looked down because the perfection comes by realizing you’re not perfect, and that’s what Jesus came for. No more existing in a living hell. I offer to you what was offered to me. Jesus.

Prayer: Jesus, I need you. I’m not perfect. I’m not. But I now know you love me and removed my mistakes from me. I’m going to believe the best for myself, because You made it possible. I believe I’m forgiven and loved and that You died and rose. Be the Lord of my life.
Action: It’s you! The royalty and divine nature is in you. You are royalty and you’re in Christ. Romans 8:1 says there is now no condemnation for those in Christ. Stop living in condemnation, and LOVE. Live life and be confident. Be righteous. Be yourself.

I’m starting a movement. ThinkIt. To free people in their minds. Join me.