That’s A Know No

“If you don’t know what you want, at least know what you don’t want.”

I was driving down Baseline and saw this guy in the street. I wondered, “what are you doing in the street, guy?” Then, I saw it—he was passing out flyers. Immediately, I blocked it out. I didn’t want it. And I knew I didn’t. [But] Why? I didn’t even know what he had to offer. But, I just knew I didn’t want it. I had my list of reasons why. Tired. Busy. Uninterested by the cheesy flyer (meh).

I had to give him credit for his methods though, which astounded me; I had that idea, to get in people’s faces in an unconventional way, in which they can’t help but accept the message I’m sending. The flyers were to some production: it featured a stage play. The event was completely free with games, music, prizes and live music. There was also food, but if I had to guess, you’d have to pay for your meal.

But still, before he even reached me, I had made the decision in my mind CLEARLY that “I don’t want this.” Not that it was bad; I never got to know what I was missing out on anyways, but at that point, I didn’t have the energy or the will to care. Meh. I didn’t fully know what I wanted to do with my time, but I knew it wasn’t that.

 

Moral of the story: Be yourself. If you don’t know what you want, at least know what you don’t want.

Direct Connection

It’s different being connected with an individual on a whole different level, seeing a different side of them when they’re in front of people….

I always thought it was cool to know someone popular or famous. Like I literally wanted to rub elbows with Chris Brown when I was younger. And even when Justin Timberlake was big(ger) I would have probably found a way to get to a concert of his. I had an old friend who used to brag about how she actually knew him (probably false). Nonetheless, jealousy ensued.
From what I see, we fall in love with these images who are in the spotlight, but really we forget to ask, “who the heck are these people?” What does it mean to really know them? I’ve met some pretty interesting people in my life, some famous ones too. and my perception about them was one of only the image that they put out. The somewhat of a goody two-shoes imagery. Blech. Seen it. Not that it’s bad. I just had an encounter one day that changed my mind.
Going to CSU San Bernardino opened up my network a whole lot. I’ve been in a stage play, on a band and behind the scenes in a lot of activities. I’ve seen the real person behind the character, the make up and the song. And it made my experiences with them richer. I love reading interviews and articles about people because I feel like I know who they really are and when they perform, I also feel the weight of all they’ve been through their entire life, the struggles, the emotions, and what they stand on being pushed forth along with their talents. I FEEL CONNECTED.

I really got this when I read a short bio about Mali Music, truly a great artist with a Spirit led life. It said in it that he doesn’t listen to gospel music. Whether or not it may be true, I think it shows a whole lot of honesty and adds an interesting facet about Mali. Another article from Christopher of dotellgospel.com quotes Mali’s experiences in life and the ministry and he gives some really compelling answers. Not only is his story revealed in his lyrics, but he has a lifestyle to back it up. I felt like I really got to know him more and could share with him in what he was saying a whole lot better.

The same story of  goes with preachers. We say “transparency” a lot in church and try to live open lives, but when you really know someone behind the mic and you see the battles they fight, you begin feel CONNECTED and can even receive different understandings that any other person wouldn’t feel. At my church, Kingdom Culture Worship Centre, we have K’Nex groups. Rather than have a regular mid-week service, we focus on that small group feeling, to keep people connected and real. Masks off, we meet in homes, coffee shops, restaurants, etc. Just getting outside of the 4 walls helps you to KNOW the person and when you feel connected, you feel at home.
That transparency component? Ya I can see a little bit of the imperfect too, but I low-key have to take a step back look at myself and understand that we all really aren’t perfect. #humility #respect. When we all come together our responsibility is not to tear each other down, nor is it to always overlook the big pink elephant in the room. Love is patient and love is kind. It doesn’t boast and isn’t rude. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t keep a record of the wrong things that have been done to it. Yet, it doesn’t get happy when bad things happen. Rather, it stands for what’s right. If God were to point out every problem I had overtime He saw it, I probably wouldn’t like it very much. God said “I remember your sins no more” and He accepts me even through my pride and issues I hide from Him and the world. Share the love you’ve been shown. Share the love God shows you.

Here’s a quick lesson: be honest with yourself about where you are in life (good or bad)—but don’t just stay there, know the truth.

My prayer is this: God, help us to connect to know each other, but let us to love each other and ourselves like You love us.

Here are some of the articles I came across:

1. http://www.malimusicnote.com/
2. dotellgospel.com/mali-music-interview/
3. http://www.allmusic.com/album/the-2econd-coming-mw0001415953

Late Bloomer

I remember during childhood my mom used to ask me “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

When you’re a child, you could be anything! There are no worries about deadlines & no meetings had to be planned. You could be the CEO of your own fantasy corporation. A Bachelor’s degree and a resumé was not required (no experience necessary). Rockstars and rappers only needed an air guitar or an imaginary mic. And to visit Mars, all that was necessary was an old cardboard box. Money was never a problem, you never ran out of employees and your ideas weren’t stupid! I could be anything I wanted to be without having to answer to anyone.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”    So I answered, “I want to be an actor.”

I thought it was so cool watching people be who they wanted to be. The TV showed me people living these oh-so-wonderful lives. One day someone could be a detective finding clues at a crime scene. One could be a student on the Magic School bus not knowing where their crazy teacher would take them—whether outer space or inside the heart of the Earth. NickAtNite had The Fresh Prince of BelAir. Ever watch Dragonball Z??? From cartoons to “real life” I wanted to see it all and be it all. But of course, being a kid I didn’t realize the manipulation of the media, like the background music, lighting, and close-ups. All I felt was the excitement, joy, intimacy, suspense, and the whole truckload of emotions my young mind experienced.

 

“Actors are bad.”

I love my mom, and in those days my mom watched an unhealthy amount of Access Hollywood. And oh, she had access. She saw the scandals, court cases, drug abuse and the skewed ratio of baby mommas to baby daddies that celebrities had. She didn’t want me to have any of that so of course being a good mother she stated her opinion and gave her direction. Being a good son, I took on her belief, though deep down I loved what they did in the light.

 

“I want to be a lawyer.”

For her, street smarts were second nature. She could spot a liar from the way they walked. She’s dealt personally with lawyers who also had no morale; those who would lie to make a buck rather than preserve the justice system.

“Lawyers lie.”

Wanting to be good, and to make her happy, I put down yet another career.

 

“Maybe you should be a doctor or something.”

From childhood through college I went through life not knowing exactly what I wanted to do. I never realized though, that it all worked out in the end. I tried to make my mom happy by wanting to go into the field medicine, but I had no real drive for it. My passion wasn’t even realized until very late. Deeply passionate about music and art in general, I see how any art form can make one feel. Your passions in life are deeply connected to who you are.

I wasn’t intimidated by being in front of a crowd; I enjoyed being a part of it. Now, having acted & being a musician, I realize if I would have been put out too early without the proper development, my passion would have eaten me alive. Both of these roles involve taking on a completely different mindset a.k.a. set of principles, becoming a different person to connect with an audience and express compelling thoughts, interesting ideas and powerful emotions. The scary thing is that “acting” a certain way long enough may very subtly turn into “being.” I don’t want to be or someone who takes on the identity of a script or a song. I don’t want identity or validation from being a character, living one life in the light and another in the dark. I simply want to be me.

Honestly, it wasn’t always joyful, but I thank God for the journey of my life. He’s more concerned with its end result, rather than immature fame that could lead to impending doom. Strong in my identity, I can finally say “this is what I’m going to be when I grow up.”

Bully the Bully

The thought of the school bully never really scared me. Then, I found one who was able to inflict some fear. One day I got annoyed at the devil. So I started pondering a new way to fight back, searching for a new strategy. Then it hit me: how could you give a bully a taste of his own medicine?

I thought of prayer but it seemed to be a routine task at times. But in this season of my life, I’ve emerged upon a new way of doing something I thought I was doing correctly for years. Now, I’ve been pressing and expecting RESULTS. I have begun WAITING on Him. Praying then leaving, only to be out of position of receiving what I had been asking.  For instance, if something I ordered doesn’t show up to my house on time, I’m calling the local FedEx asking “Why isn’t it here? Was there an accident? I ordered last week with priority. It should be here NOW.” I’ll be the one showing up at the door and knocking till I get an answer on the whereabouts of my package.

Things I had hoped for I had missed out on. The enemy of my mind stepped in the way of my “package” telling me I didn’t deserve it. Hopelessness showed up, with a repugnant bouquet of Forget-Me-Not Failures. But, instead of sitting in a quarantine of frustration, my perspective changed. I asked, “how could I possibly make my attackers NOT want to continue attacking?” How to discourage the discourager. I thought “what makes me not want to even do something in the first place?” Answer: When I believe I can’t do something or believe the outcome will be failure. Another way to say it: When I don’t believe I can do something or don’t believe the outcome will be successful. So why bother putting in the energy, time and effort?

The solution was praise. That’s right. Praise. It’s a powerful weapon and a two-edged sword. God told me to do so earlier in the week, now I’m understanding more fully why. The enemy already knows he’s done for; REMIND HIM. He’s a bully that talks a lot, but when you stand up to him, he gets scared. James 4:7 says “Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” DISCOURAGE HIM. And watch the war be won in your favor. Secondly, praise builds you up. It instills a confidence in you that makes you strong and not moved by emotions or circumstances. For a long time I had been bound by my emotions and current circumstances. Whatever they told me to feel, I felt and I let them trick me into not fighting. They easily led to discouragement and tried to kill my zeal and enthusiasm for life. Getting into an argument is a prevalent example of discouragement. So is losing a job, fighting with family, feeling like you’re worthless or of no value, and the list goes on. But I soon realized I had to stop standing on volatile things that could change at any second–emotions. I stood on the Truth, which is a hope that says I’m not leading a worthless path to death (1 Peter 1:3). Funds can change, but God is a God you can trust.

Worship Him with your life. Stay in His presence. Give Him your heart. Wait on Him. Believe the words you sing as if they were your own.

Genesis

Hey everyone!
This is my introduction to my new blog. I can definitely say I’m excited that it’s finally here. It’s been on me for a while, to start a blog so I can actually have a place to jot down my thoughts and share my ideas, and it’s finally here!
Here, I’ll be sharing my mind, how I think about the world, what it could be, what I observe, etc. always in search of the truth.

I do believe in Jesus: He is the focal point of my life. He made my life what it is today, from hopeless to a hope and a future. Love personified, truth identified and life quantified, only He can make life worth living. He is the reason we exist and He shares His love everyday. I’m quite grateful I get it and it has really become my duty that you get it as well.

 

Purpose For Playing: In a nutshell, Jesus, music, thoughts, and words are on this page. A perspective on these is offered here. Understanding why we do what we do tells us a lot about ourselves, but understanding the source of it all is the meaning of life.

Peace, Hope, & Love,
thoughtlyfe