I Laugh In The Face of Danger

If this year was over, what would you say about it? 2012 was the year of establishment. This past year I nearly died looking for my calling. Walk with me and understand the severity of this. I nearly died trying to find the reason why I was alive. And though it seems drastic or extreme, everyone is supposed to. Why? Because everything you want in life is determined by who you really are., what you really want.

January 1, 2013. (Morning)

“I’m a Christian and I did a horrible thing. I made a mistake. I sinned. I slipped into some mess I had no business doing. I’m a sinner.”

January 1, 2013 (Evening)

“My mistake, which is bad, actually worked out quite well. I got to experience how to turn something that was bad into something…good.

January 1, 2013. (Morning)

I’m a musician and I made a mistake. On the last measure of my perfectly composed piece of music, my finger slipped and I played the wrong note. My dreams of perfection were shattered.

January 1, 2013. (Evening) I had no idea how a mistake would work for my good, but it did, because that finger slipping turned out to be what would be the end for some, a new dimension and extension of the music I was creating, and it was beautiful.
That mistake, could have caused me to quit playing. But, my mind grabbed something that it saw as pleasing, delightful, desirable.

Get it. Get what I’m saying. Your bar of music, your song, your life is determined by what you do with your mistakes. Do you understand that you can keep going and make a good life using that very mistake you made? Do you understand that the decisions you make are no doubt in your life, but are designed to make you unique? Your story, your purpose, your achievements, your accolades. It’s all by you COMPLETING that piece of music you may call “a mistake.”

It turns out, life is full of these little incidents, these notes and tones. Like life, music doesn’t stop because I played a so called “wrong note,” else we’d NEVER enjoy R&B, Hip-Hop, Jazz, Funk, Classical or even Pop music. You’d never embrace things like  slang, basketball, dance, culture, literature, relationships, or comedy. You’ wouldn’t know to enjoy the roots of Reggae and how it’s related to Ska, or the evolution of Ballet into Modern dance. You’d never know of the light bulb and you definitely would not appreciate the many different recipes on the menu when you go out to eat.

Outlook: Your life is worth living. Your mistakes make good music.

Don’t be afraid of the song you write.

Make mistakes. Make new music. Make a song. Make your life. And make it good!

Deceit’s Receipt: Redeemed

For the past year I’ve been walking around hurting. Not physically, not no broken bones either. I’ve just been hurting. Gravity seemed to push down on my life twice as hard as the rest of the world, and my head hung low as a result. From what? Did anyone know? Sure. Did anyone connect? They tried. Some got through, some just fell through the cracks. But I was still bleeding from a broken heart.

What happened?

Deception. I was tricked into believing the worst of myself because of my status in life. I kept making mistakes, moving from job to job, destroying relationships and not living up to what I thought I should be. I was just sitting here, my life not seeming to go anywhere. Worst of all, I was ruled by emotions. One day I was up, the next day was miserable. I didn’t know how to fight. Depression came in the form of self-abasement and I thought the worst of myself. It hurt especially being around people who knew their worth, value, had some kind of plan for their life and walked with grace. I tried to find something for myself. I was scrambling, not to keep up, but to stand up.

You’ve heard this before: “I’m trying.” That was me. I didn’t know what to look for but what I was presented with looked good: depression (self-abasement) worthlessness, imperfection, pride, jealousy, unforgiveness, a lack of identity, and fear. Thinking it was right, I identified with these things, because “I’ve messed up so this is what I DESERVE.” I didn’t know who I was or where I was going and when I looked to God, I could not let go of the worry. I just had to have some control, get some answer, so when He would speak and literally give me the answer, it wasn’t what I wanted or expected to hear, and so I sank deeper with the problems He was trying to bury.

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The pain was all I could identify with. Little did I know, I fell from grace. I was deceived like Eve. So here’s what it looked like.

Fear –  a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined

Pride – pleasure or satisfaction taken in something done by or belonging to oneself or believed to reflect credit upon oneself

Jealousy – feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages

Depression – severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy; self-abasement

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See the cycle? I finally heard an inspiring message from Jaquet Dumas called “If It Walks Like A Duck.” Two quotes that spoke so powerfully to me. The first, by her, said “”Well if we can’t change the things we’ve been through we certainly can change the way we deal with them.” The second was by a Holocaust survivor that said “forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and realizing the prisoner was you.” Wow. Not done. She further explained about no one has to pay for the wrong things I’ve done. I realized that God truly forgave me. He doesn’t hate me and I don’t have hate myself.

Then, this Wednesday, a breath of fresh air. My eyes were opened to see the the self-hate and the condemnation I placed on myself. It came when I tried to forgive someone else and realized, I didn’t forgive myself. Jaquet said “I have a new context.” My relationship with Christ reminded me of my failures and that I am forgiven of them all. It taught me how to forgive others and forgive myself. I just had to believe. And now I do. So I don’t hate myself anymore. I believe, hope and trust in God in a whole new way and see light in my future. I’m sure He has a plan that I’ll love.

So I set this in order, you will not be deceived by your circumstances or failures. You will move forward. You can forgive yourself and others, because you were forgiven. Don’t be scared of being condemned or looked down because the perfection comes by realizing you’re not perfect, and that’s what Jesus came for. No more existing in a living hell. I offer to you what was offered to me. Jesus.

Prayer: Jesus, I need you. I’m not perfect. I’m not. But I now know you love me and removed my mistakes from me. I’m going to believe the best for myself, because You made it possible. I believe I’m forgiven and loved and that You died and rose. Be the Lord of my life.
Action: It’s you! The royalty and divine nature is in you. You are royalty and you’re in Christ. Romans 8:1 says there is now no condemnation for those in Christ. Stop living in condemnation, and LOVE. Live life and be confident. Be righteous. Be yourself.

I’m starting a movement. ThinkIt. To free people in their minds. Join me.